Mom: 17 Year Anniversary Letter

 Mom and Bridget (I guess Liam does look like me as a toddler.)

 Boys visiting Nana Judy's grave this summer

Liam has a simular puppy shirt that he wants to wear every day. Hmmmmm.

 



August 3, 2013

Dear Mom,

Today is the 17^th anniversary of your death, and the seventh year I have written this memorial letter. It is really crazy to think that in four years, you will have been gone the same amount of time that you were a part of my life. (I was 21 when you passed away and we are four years away from the 21^st anniversary.) That scares me a little as I feel like the memories will fade, but I know that will never happen! Even though it was so unfair to lose you at such a young age, and a time of my life where I needed you so much (heading into my last year in college)-- I am also appreciative of the time we had together. I hear so many stories of tiny little kids losing their moms and it truly puts things into perspective for me. I at least have many memories of you and was an adult (well close at 17) when you first became sick. You shaped my teenage years and helped me grow into a young woman.

In each of my letters to you, (this is my eighth) I have had something new and exciting to report. These milestones ranged from meeting Joe, getting engaged, married, then one child and two. I know that you are here with me and watching over me as I go through all of these life changes, but it helps me to write these letters and imagine you smiling as you read them. This year, my news to report to you is about a personal goal of mine. In the Spring, I studied for my Personal Training certification and passed. This summer, I just got a job at the YMCA as a Personal Trainer. I started a week ago training and I will be taking clients this fall. I will keep my classes and add on Personal Training two days a week. I am very excited about this new adventure; this has been a life goal of mine. I have you to thank for all of my hard work, dedication and passion. You taught me that you can have a family and go after your own life goals. You also taught me how meaningful it is to be in an industry where you can make a difference in lives. I remember when you were a Pediatric Nurse, I would always get stopped by people who would tell me how awesome you were and how their kids adored you. I have carried that with me over the years. I too, hope to make a difference in people’s lives by showing them how important fitness is and by helping them achieve their goals to live healthier and happier lives. I have always wanted a career in a field where I can get to know people one-on-one and be a part of their journey. I really love the interpersonal relationships with people, so combining that with my love for passion for fitness feels like it's meant to be. I wanted to start now to get some experience so by the time the boys are in school full time I can dive in even more. 

Speaking of the boys, I know they haven’t met you before (along with Joe) and that truly breaks my heart. They are going to be four and two. I think about how active you would be in their lives (probably weekly at the least), but I try not to focus on that too much. At night, I tell Braden stories about my childhood and all the awesome memories I have. I show both Braden and Liam pictures of you and we go to visit you at the cemetery. Braden has a lot of questions about where you are, and he told me he wants to see you. I of course tell him he can only see you in his dreams right now, but that you can see us all the time. I can’t imagine he understands the concept of Heaven, but he takes my explanations and thinks them over. This Friday we were out to lunch and a lady walked by and out of the blue he said, “There’s Nana Judy.” My heart skipped a beat. I looked at the lady for a minute and by that time I could only see the back of her. I have no idea what made him think it was you, but I truly BELIEVE that you are always around us playing little jokes on us to keep your memory alive. What timing you had, the day before the anniversary of your passing (and Joe’s bday). When we see cardinals and butterflies I also laugh and know that you are saying “hi” and that you are telling me you are OK! This comforts me. I am thankful for Shawn and I living so close so we can constantly talk about memories. We laugh about how you are constantly living through us in the things we do.

In a past letter, I asked you how you were able to spread your love between four kids as I was about to have a second child and was worried. You always knew how to make each of us feel special and I never felt slighted or denied of your love. Now that I have two boys of my own, it doesn’t even seem like a question to me. I just understand that there’s enough of Mom’s love to go around to both. I try my best to make them both feel special in their own way. Being a Mom is the most amazing thing I have experienced. I now understand how you would look at me with those adoring eyes and then you would ask if I knew how much you loved me. I of course would tease you for being so sappy (I was a teenager!) Now I get what you felt in that moment and believe that a Mother’s love is something you cannot explain or understand until you are there yourself.

 It was the hardest thing I had to go through losing you, but it has taught me so many things. I have gained a new perspective in life. I try to really cease life and make time for fun and memories- with Joe, the boys, our family and with my friends. I let my boys be kids and take them on adventures. I also try to teach them to be good people and treat people nicely. I work so hard on trying to be healthy for my boys so I can be around as long as I can. Obviously we all know that can change and illnesses can come completely out of the blue, but at least I know I did everything I can to be healthy for my family (food, exercise, sleep, doctor appointments, etc.) I work really hard so I can run after my boys. I will continue to work hard so I can still run with them as they grow older and get faster (I hope to be faster than them for a while longer- ha). I also want us to enjoy being active as family.

I could go on and on about all the valuable lessons I have learned from losing you, but the last one I want to share in this letter is my empathy for people going through a hard time. Although I cannot relate to some circumstances specifically, I do know that losing a loved one leaves a mark on your heart and soul forever. It makes me really want to reach out to those going through a hard time and give them a smile, kind words, a hug or anything to know they are supported. Sometimes they just want to talk and be heard. You don’t need to give advice, but you need to give them your time and your friendship. It can truly make a difference. A lot of people don't know how to react when others have bad news or are going through a hard time. I am thankful I am someone that can comfort and listen. I am not sure if I would be like that had I not gone through something heart wrenching myself. I immediately revert back to those difficult memories of my own when someone tells me some bad news. I hope to raise my boys to show compassion, sensitivity and love in moments of difficulty.

Thank you for being an amazing angel to me and my family. I know as years pass on, I will have more “Nana Judy” sightings with my boys. Please keep us always guessing and you are so very missed and loved!

 

Love,
Your Pina Colada

Braden: 3 years + 10 months

So in my last post, I talked about how I tell everyone that Liam is "almost" two, and with Braden I say "almost" four. Four seems like a big jump from three to me for some reason. I think it's because at four it seems as though you get to do some of the "big" stuff like sports, preschool, and play with older kids and be able to keep up with them now.

Braden eludes the word "active". He is always asking to play baseball, basketball, golf, volleyball, badmitton, soccer and every sport he sets his eyes on. He could literally run all day long and not be tired until we tell him to lay down for bedtime. It's funny because as I type this, I realize the same is probably true for both Joe and I - so I can't wonder where he gets this from! :)

Braden has had a great summer so far. He has had four mornings at camp (organized activities at a park for 3-5 year olds), he has had a few summer days at Preschool with his school friends, he has played Tball and Soccer, he has really improved in swimming, he has put some miles on his bike and the list goes on. He cranks the baseball in his throw and he can hit an overhand pitch.

I really enjoy taking Braden places because he gets so excited and once we arrive he is just eager to explore and do whatever. In a group setting, he blends right in and plays with the other kids and I barely hear a peep from him. He loves to be around people. He always wants someone to play with or to be around people. He can be shy at times but really needs that social interaction. He is so curious and asks very in-depth questions these days. He keeps me on my toes mentally and I suspect that he will continue to do so from here on out.

Serious T-baller

Already wanting to "spike" his own hair!

Yep, this one likes water too!

Loving the rollercoaster at the MOA

I think he grew a little, don't you?

Liam: 1 year + 11 months

As crazy as it sounds, I am now telling people (when they ask) that Liam is almost two! It is much easier to say "two" than it is to say "one-and-eleven-months" obviously, but it has me really thinking about his upcoming birthday that's just now just a couple weeks away. It is hard to believe that two years has passed us by. I remember just like it was yesterday that I was 9 months pregnant and very hot and sitting in the pool wondering when he/she would arrive (at that time we weren't even sure if it was a boy or girl).

Now, a little less than two years later Liam is a crazy man- running, jumping and doing whatever his big brother does. He is fearless and adventurous. He doesn't always listen and likes to test me, but he is also silly and sweet. He is sensitive and caring. He is pretty hilarious. This month he took his first roller coaster ride and loved it. I sat next to him and I am not sure who giggled more, Liam or Mom. He also started to do all the dangerous things at the park that an almost two year old should NOT be doing, such as hanging from the monkey bars or trying to climb very STEEP things. So, yes I have had quite a few panic attacks this summer. He also saw his first movie in the theater and of course only sat still for about 20 minutes before he started playing with the bouncy seats and running around.

Liam wants to ride his brother's bike already- climbs right on and starts to pedal without a helmet- yikes. He also jumps right into the pool, so right now he doesn't go in the pool area without a life jacket on! I am busy running constantly between these two guys. Liam keeps me on my toes more than I ever thought possible. As I type this, he is next to me doing jumping jacks and saying "Watch Me Mom." His vocabulary has picked up a ton lately- saying 4-5 words in a row. His favorites are "Help me Mommy or Daddy" or "More pancakes please Mommy or Daddy" and of course my favorite, "It's breakfast time Braden!" He is very vocal and excited about life. He is also not a fan of loud noises - for fireworks we had to watch in the house as he was freaking out with the pops and bangs!

This summer has been a joy to watch Liam learn and grow and transition into a very active and busy toddler!

Mr. Dangerous at the park

He definitely loves water!

 Shopping at Target is not his finest moment let's just say!

 First rollercoaster ride at the MOA!

Building his first pizza!

4th of July Fun!

We have been having a lot of summer fun lately, hence why I am posting this about 10 days late! So, for the 4th of July we had a fabulous weekend. The weather was obviously gorgeous! We both had some time off work and had four days of straight family time. We started the festivities with a date night- happy hour and a dinner on a nice summer night. Then on the 4th, we headed to my Dad's for some time on the lake. The boys enjoyed being a part of the boat parade and playing on the beach, along with fishing off the dock. We came home just in time to see the fireworks which in our neighborhood are better than probably going to them at a park! Friday we hit the pool. Saturday we went to see Monsters University- Liam's first movie. He did ok- once he started to get stir crazy he ended up jumping up on Joe's lap and then fell asleep for an hour! Phew. Then on Sunday we had a nice breakfast down in Afton at a cute cafe, walked along the river and checked out the boats and then let the boys run around the water fountains close to home. What a fun (and a little tiring) weekend! Hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July with your family and friends!